Apollo's Alphabet
by Musicismyblood
Summary: A series of one-shots that Apollo usually creates. A bit insane... T because I can!
1. A is for Apollo

**Meh. I got bored in the shower one day. Not my fault if it sucks, I tried my best to make it _not_ suck-ish. "-_-**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Apollo, or Artemis, whatever god who makes an appearance in here, or the Percy Jackson series. Absurd, I know.**

**Music, out. :)**

**Here it is.**

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><p>A is for Apollo<p>

From Apollo's point of view, Apollo was the awesomest name ever. Even though Artemis had said otherwise. Several times. An example:

"Little sis, trust me. Apollo is the awesomest Greek name ever."

"No it's not, Apollo."

"Arty, if it's in a haiku, it's true."

Artemis gritted her teeth, "Don't. Call. Me. Arty."

"_My name is awesome,_

_It's Phobeus Apollo,_

_Isn't it cool?_ See, it's in a haiku. My name is awesome."

"Three things Apollo. One, your

Apollo frowned, "Was it?"

"Yes."

"Hmm..." he mulled over it a little before snapping his fingers. "I got it!"

Artemis groaned, "Don't tell me."

"_'Isn't it so cool?'_ That's five syllables!" He flashed a blinding white smile at Artemis. She just scowled.

"I said, don't tell me. Or did your hearing go out the door along with your intelligence?"

"No, my hearing's quite fine thank-HEY! I'm not stupid!"

"Prove it."

"How?"

"What's 10 multiplied by 5?"

"...5...?"

Artemis exhaled in frustration. Why did _she_ have to have a stupid brother? And a _boy_ on top of it all.

"No Apollo," she said as calmly as she could through gritted teeth, "The answer is _50_."

"Oh."

There was an awkward pause as Artemis wondered how Apollo had ended up this way. Maybe she had banged her shield one too many times over his head...

"...But seriously, Phobeus Apollo is a awesome name."

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><p><strong>Shortest thing I've ever written. Well? Good? Bad? Hopefully not the latter... Review!<strong>

**Music, out. :)**


	2. B is for Bees are better than Barley

**Well I really have nothing to say...**

**Music, out. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own.**

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><p>B is for bees are better than barley<p>

To Apollo, bees were cool. Don't ask him why, he just thought them to be the best insect species out there. He guessed it had something to do with their gold and black stripes. They reminded him of him and Artemis.

The gold was him, Driver of the Sun Chariot. He was bright and shiny, resembling the sun. Artemis, on the other hand, was the black stripes. She was a representer of night. One with the shadows. Oh wait, that was Hades and his emo kid. What was his name? Nick? Never mind. Maybe Artemis was one with the moonlight. But, that was silver, and, sadly, bees did not have silver stripes.

But right now, he had bigger problems than figuring out bees and silver stripes.

"Bees are better than barley!"

"No Apollo, barley is better." Demeter shook her head disapprovingly, the wheat braided into her hair shook, only years of expert braiding keeping stalks of grain in her golden locks.

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes." She said firmly.

Artemis and Hermes walked into the throne room, bickering. Apollo wondered what Hermes had done this time. Whatever it was, he silently congratulated Hermes.

"N-"He interrupted himself, "Sis! Hermes!" He beckoned with a hand for them to come over to him and Demeter.

They strided over, albeit annoyed.

Artemis got straight to the point. "What?"

"Aren't bees so much better than barley?"

"N-"

"Yes!" Hermes chimed in, not noticing Artemis's glare.

"No," Artemis contradicted, "They're not."

Apollo crossed his arms, "What's so bad about bees?"

"They can sting you. Barley cannot."

"Only if you bother them!" He defended.

"Barley benefits towards mankind by feeding us. What do bees do?"

"Make flowers." Was his genius response.

"Oh yes," Artemis rolled her eyes in contempt, "For little girls to pick."

"Bees make honey."

"Barley creates most cereals."

By now, Demeter was shoveling cereal down Hermes's throat for no apparent reason. The god was trying to get away by desperately screaming bloody murder and every now and then, throwing a couple cuss words in there. Had Demeter had one of those everytime-you-cuss-I-get-a-quarter things, she would have made around $100.

Poseidon walked in, verbally fighting with Athena. They walked in, took one look at the scene before them, and slowly backed out of the room.

Just then, Apollo got a brilliant(shocking, I know)defense for bees. "Bees make barley!"

Artemis opened and closed her mouth, much like a fish. Was she dreaming? Had her brother actually outsmarted her? No, it couldn't be true. She had never been bested by Apollo. The mere idea was ludicrous.

But, when she pinched her arm, she felt the pain just fine. And slowly, at a snail's pace, the fact Apollo actually made a better point sank in.

"You win." She said grudgingly.

Apollo's face was priceless, "I do?"

"Yes," She sighed, "You do."

Apollo basically radiated happiness. "Hermes! I won!"

Hermes, still a bit preoccupied with the cereal being crammed down his throat gave a mangled reply.

"That's-godsdammit woman, I'm trying to talk to him-great Apol-ahh! Stop it!-lo. That's really ni-" Hermes was promptly cut off as cheerios choked him.

Apollo ran off, shouting at every god who would listen, "Bees are better than barley!"

And that was the day everyone on Olympus came to the conclusion Apollo was a little off his rocker.

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><p><strong>Poor Apollo. I just like making him look bad. Hehehe. <strong>

**Review!**

**Music, out. :)**


	3. C is for Cake VS Cereal

**Yup. I went there. **

**Music, out. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Percy Jackson and Olympians. Nor Cheerios. Or Lucky Charms.**

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><p>C is for cake VS cereal<p>

Apollo was not one for vegetables. Or oranges. Or nuts(except for cashews). Or cereal. Anything categorized as 'healthy' really.

He was one for cake though.

So, when Demeter walked into the Olympian equivalent of a living room, found Apollo pigging out on cake, and tried to make him eat cereal, he was not happy.

"No." He crossed his arms childishly, not caring at all how that made him look.

"Come on Apollo," she coaxed, "Just one bowl."

"No." Basically spitting in her face, he ate a piece of his chocolate cake.

"Apollo!" she cried, exasperated, "Cheerios are cholesterol lowering, healthy, and all-natural! What is cake next to that?"

Apollo blinked, not very sure what the goddess was saying. He only understood the last part. "Tasty."

Demeter threw her hands up, "Ugh! Why do I bother?"

Apollo shrugged, not at all bothered. "I don't know."

"Just one bowl?"

"No."

"Half a bowl?"

"Nuh-uh."

"One spoon?"

"...Maybe."

"One bite."

"What kind of cereal?"

"Cheerios."

"No."

Demeter wanted to scream. Why did this sorry excuse for a god hate cereal so much? Honestly, cereal was irresistible.

"Then what kind of cereal do you want, Apollo?"

Apollo contemplated it for a few seconds, "Lucky Charms."

Demeter's nose crinkled. That cereal? The one with way too much sugar and marshmallows?**(I'm offended. Lucky Charms taste very good.)** Well, if that's what it took to make Apollo eat cereal.

She waved her hand and the bowl of Cheerios was replaced by a colorful assortment of cereal and marshmallows overloadingTthe white landscape of milk.

Apollo grabbed the spoon and took a bite, making sure to get extra marshmallows. Halfway through chewing, he visibly choked and spit it out. All over Demeter.

...Oops.

She wiped off half-chewed bits with her hand, glaring at Apollo.

"Oops?" He asked weakly.

Demeter deliberately reached for Apollo's forgotten cake, and smashed it, plate and all, into his face. When she removed the porcelain plate, she admired her handiwork.

Apollo's face was an interesting mixture of chocolate cake and the vanilla that was inside, giving him an odd look, like a face someone made out of chocolate cake, but ran out halfway through and had to use vanilla.

His face was _completely_ covered with sugary goodness. Almost. Only when Apollo opened his eyes did Demeter realize she hadn't gotten cake everywhere on his face.

She thought she did a pretty good job. His usually tan lips were chocolate. Literally. A soft peach color intermingled with dark, dark brown all over his cheeks and forehead, looking a bit like freckles. Apollo's chin was the color of fudge.

When he raised a cake eyebrow, she just smiled innocently. "Oops." She said, sweeter than the cake coating Apollo's face.

"I should have spit more cereal on you," He grumbled.

"Really?"

"Really." And with that, he reached over, got more cereal, spit it on her. Again.

Demeter shook her head, flinging most of the bits off. "You do know this means war, right?"

Apollo grinned, "Bring it."

Suddenly, Ares appeared out of nowhere. He looked around, "Who said war?"

Apollo snapped his fingers. A buffet table, that had not been there a few minutes ago, appeared and an army of cake, cakes from Double Fudge to Neapolitan, came with it.

Demeter waved her hand. The buffet table became even larger and cereal joined cake. Demeter even unbent a little to allow sugary cereals as well as healthy ones.

Ares cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled at a randomly picked direction. "FOOD FIGHT IN THE LIVING ROOM!"

Quicker than the Ares's echo could die, a dozen gods and goddess filed into the room.

What? Olympus gets boring every now and then.

According to the laws of nature(which were a little more than sexist)the male gods joined Apollo and his cake army, and the goddesses with Demeter and her cereal.

They armed themselves. Someone-Ares-let a cake fly. It hit Melpomene, the muse of tragedy, who was extremely temperamental. She pitched a bowl of cereal, covering Aether, a minor god.

As everyone exchanged food in a really intense way, Calliope, the muse of epic song, was furiously scribbling down on a note-pad. After all, this was epic as far as food fights went. Besides, Olympus had been a little short of epicness lately.

Eventually, the gods succeeded in their mission to take down Olympus's supply of cake and cereal, leaving over three dozen-more had joined during the fight-of immortals to sit on the floor, drowning in various cake bits, milk, and crushed cereal dust.

"Well," Apollo said lightly, picking himself off the floor. "That was fun."

He got a few groans and grins of agreement.

Finding it exciting and a time-killer, every year, the day before that same day, all immortals, minor and major, could be found baking until their fingers bled. The next day, April 24th, gods loaded down with pastries (really anything classified as food) marched over to their living room and threw food until there was no more food.

Thus, Food Fight Day was created.

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><p><strong>This has to be the longest one yet. You have no idea how hard it was to write positively about healthy cereal and bash on tasty cereal...<strong>

**How was it? Review! **

**If you have an idea for a letter, tell me. Through a review, PM me, whatever.**

**Music, out. :)**


	4. D is for Darts

Woops. I just realized that in Ch. 1, I put _Phobeus_ instead of Phoebus Apollo. Oopies. Someone didn't do her research.

I got this idea from a reviewer. Thanks _Weirdness-is-cool_!

And I realize the appearance of some gods present is a little unrealistic, thank you very much. I just don't give a damn. If you need an explanation so much, either A. Come up with one yourself, or B. Ask me.

Disclaimer: Does anyone _actually_ own PJO here? ...*crickets chirping* See?

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><p>D is for Darts<p>

The Olympians were lounging around in the throne room, bored. (They seemed to be doing that more and more often... Hm. Strange.)

Suddenly, Apollo burst through the door, too excited to even change back from his human form.

"Hey guys!" He said excitedly. Everyone mentally braced themselves for whatever _genius_ plan Apollo had this time.

"Guess what?" he asked, practically bouncing.

"What?" Hermes asked, beaming at the aspect of something (hopefully a prank) to do.

"I was at this bar-"

"What else is new?" Athena muttered.

"Probably chatting up some innocent girl too," Artemis scowled.

"_Anyways_," Apollo said, shooting a nasty look at the pair, "I found this giant dart board! Look!" He drew a large leather canvas-resembling roll out of nowhere.

"Wait," Zues said, holding a hand to his forehead, already feeling the headache coming along. "You just _took_ the thing from the wall?"

Apollo grinned, missing the incredulous tone in his voice. "Yup!" He frowned, "Was that bad?"

"Yes!" Hera muttered indignantly.

"No," Hermes soothed. "It was fine."

"Says the God of Stealing." Hades mumbled.

Apollo went on talking. "We should totally play darts!" he said enthusiastically.

"We're busy," Zues said, trying to work his way out of this.

Apollo raised an eyebrow. "Dionysus is here. _Dionysus_. And guess what he's reading. _Entertainment Weekly_. When is he not reading wine magazines? Never. If he's bored of his wine mags, you're all definitely bored."

Poseidon sighed dramatically, rising from his throne. "Damn you for being perspective at all the wrong times."

"Great!" he practically bounced around, setting the thing up. "You should all relax," he called. "It's not like anything'a going to go wrong."

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><p>"Ooooowww!" Dionysus screeched at the dart stuck in his arm.<p>

Apollo smiled nervously, "Sorry?"

Ares scowled, plucking the remaining darts from Apollo's hand. "Never giving you the fucking darts _again_."

"Agreed," the other gods murmured.

Poseidon scowled childishly, "I can't believe you did that. How did you even manage to get darts in Hestia's fire?"

"And my chair," Hades grumbled.

"My arm!" Dionysus howled.

"And my cat!" Hera picked the thing up by the scruff of its neck, shaking it at Apollo.

"You know," Apollo said, backing away. "I think I'm just gonna...run away."

He shot away, leaving the rest of the Olympians hot on his heels.

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><p>I'm not gonna lie. I'm not sorry. I took great pleasure in spamming you with this not-even-a-drabble. :D<p>

Review!

Music, out. :)


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